Ok Here goes. I guess its all changing, again.My life,me, the weather. What the hell I guess I will just ramble . I thought God was everywhere, knows all, see's all. You know what I mean, right. I'll tell you I 've  had him with me a lot lately. He made me late for work a couple of times last month.He is a mirror freak,did'nt know that did you. Yep , can't decide which sandles to wear with which robe either. I tell him "you look fine" get in the car your going to make me late and he still pokes along stopping to smile at the birds. He still lets me drive though[thank you Jesus] really could you imagine being behind the car with Jesus at the wheel, stopping to heal or pass out bread and fish at every red light. We would all be late for work.I waited for him after work last week and he never came out of the wal-mart. well I just figured He caught a ride  with some one else, I 'd see him later well when I got ready for work the next morning I called for him to come on or we would be late.I waited . No Jesus ,what the heck? Well just wait till I see him, we are gonna have a talk.Same thing after work today, no JESUS. SO IF YOU SEE HIM WILL YOU PLEASE TELL HIM  I AM LOOKING FOR HIM.And that I am sorry If I have made him feel bad. I love that he needs my help deciding what to wear, or does this make me look too old? I miss our talks on the drive to work. And we sang along to the songs on the radio, the fish radio station is his favorite. I f you see him  please send him back to me because I am lost without him

I am lost .I am confused.My life is so out of control I hardly know what to do anymore. It seems as every choice I make is the wrong choice.I don't just have bad days I HAVE BAD YEARS one after the other. And I always say to myself :its got to get better it can not get any worse and the next thing I know the car quits running, I 'm holding a disconnect notice in one hand and I am looking at the pot of water as it boils and think thank god we like ramen noodles.Don't get me wrong. I am truly not complaining. But right now I think I am close to breaking down. Everything I own is in storage.!150. per month. I had to give up my apartment . I told my landlord I can't pay the rent. I can't keep paying you later and later each month. He was totaly nice about it . sometimes it feels preety bleak.Got to go to work write more later

WHAT THE HECK. HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE MAD? PEOPLE CAN'T FIND WORK ,PEOPLE LOSING THERE HOMES,CARS ,DIGNITY AND SOMETIMES HOPE. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE THE WORLD AS IT IS NOW.